"Can There Be a Future for the French?"

Adam   Sunday, May 15, 2005, 08:37 GMT
The Proud French Military History in a Nutshell

Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen."

Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

Thirty Years' War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution: Tied; Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War: Tied.

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Deluded Frogophiles the world over label the period as the height of French Military Power.

War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.

American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting".

French Revolution: Won, primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

WWI: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

WWII: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare -"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, and Eskimos.

War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe
Nico   Sunday, May 15, 2005, 08:40 GMT
Viva we stupid french!!! Now I must stick my face into a plateful of French Frogs now.......
Adam   Sunday, May 15, 2005, 09:05 GMT
I have got to qualify as the most narrow-minded Englishman on earth and as the dumbest human being on the face of the earth.
Louis   Sunday, May 15, 2005, 09:26 GMT
I'm not endorsing your position in anyway, Adam. But I must admit that they were quite funny in an irreverent manner. If those jokes were made in good humour (and I doubt they were), I'd most likely have given you a 'matey' slap on your back and pronounce you as a good bloke.

But then, knowing your true colours, I suppose gallophobia in your case is not just skin deep, eh?
Adam   Sunday, May 15, 2005, 10:19 GMT
People have to remember that there is more than one Adam on this forum. I didn't post that thing about France and war, although it is funny - and it's true because it's obviously real historical facts.
Adam   Sunday, May 15, 2005, 10:40 GMT
I just found this about the troubles currently facing France, and how the French public is desparate to follow Britain's economic model, making the UK economy outperform those of Continental Europe. It's not related to language, but it might be related to this thread -



The Sunday Times
London

May 15, 2005

WOMEN need a sense of humour to get ahead in France’s male-dominated politics — and this is certainly one of the gifts of Michèle Alliot-Marie. Told by a pompous usher one day that it was illegal for women to wear trousers in parliament, she replied: “Shall I take them off then?”

Besides the sharp tongue and razor mind is a charm that makes Alliot-Marie, the defence minister, one of the government’s greatest assets in its campaign for a “yes” vote in the referendum on the EU constitution.

Yet she may have regretted inviting “one last question” from a crowd in a town hall outside Paris on Wednesday. A woman at the back of the room leapt to her feet.

“You say that France will suffer if it votes no to the constitution,” she said, “but the British opted out of the euro and it doesn’t seem to have hurt them. In fact, economically they seem much BETTER OFF than any of us.” It seemed a fair point.

Alliot-Marie, the 58-year-old daughter of an international rugby referee who is tipped to replace the prime minister in a government reshuffle after the May 29 referendum, responded in a way that would be instinctive to most French politicians.

The picture might not be quite as economically rosy in Britain as it seemed, she said; different methods of counting the unemployed made the British seem that much better off. Unlike France, for example, Britain did not include its disabled among the jobless.

Warming to her theme, Alliot-Marie added that Britain’s economic model would “not be appreciated” by the French, even if its unemployment rate is about half France’s 10.2%.

“They don’t have all the social protection you have,” she said. “Britain chose to make economic dynamism its priority instead of social protection.”

Seldom have Britain and its economy been such a focus of attention for the French, whose politicians on both sides of the referendum battle have turned l’Albion perfide and its leader into their latest political football.

For the “no” camp — a motley array of socialists, communists, greens and ultrarightists — the constitution is a British plot to impose its free market misery on the rest of Europe. For the “yes” side, however, President Jacques Chirac says it will help to spread France’s social market vision around the EU.

Like Alliot-Marie, once described by Chirac as the “best pair of legs in the party”, the president has argued that a British system with a more flexible labour market is not “transferable” to France. Yet despite the majority’s horror of the protestant work ethic, some French voters seem to disagree with him.

“It is our model that should not be transferred,” said Alain-Dominique Perrin, president of the Cartier Foundation for contemporary art in Paris. He described the French habit of “parading in the streets to trumpet the benefits of the 35-hour working week” as symptoms of a “profound malaise”.

He was indignant at the bureaucratic hurdles François Pinault, the business tycoon, cited last week as his reason for abandoning a project to build a museum on the River Seine to exhibit his fabulous private collection. Pinault will go to Venice instead.

“Entrepreneurs, builders, creators, researchers are leaving,” said Perrin. “In France, private initiative is suspect and success is condemned. Has the man or woman been born yet who will make of France what Margaret Thatcher and Tony Blair made of the UK?”

Jean-Pierre Raffarin, the prime minister, does not seem to fit the bill. His efforts to get more work out of his countrymen — after warning that France risks becoming a giant “holiday camp” if it clings to the 35-hour week — have backfired in an explosion of protests. The latest is by 1,000 surgeons whose “symbolic exile” in Britain last week was intended to demonstrate anger at high insurance charges.

Another blow to the beleaguered Raffarin will be administered tomorrow when much of the country is expected to defy the government and take the day off.
Raffarin had called for the cancellation of the May 16 pentecost holiday after 15,000 elderly people died in a heatwave two years ago. He decreed that the value of the extra day’s work, £1.4 billion, should go towards a fund to provide better care for the elderly and disabled.

Initially people liked the idea but as the prospect of working an extra day looms, they do not. A website has called for “citizen resistance” and exhorted people to join traditional pentecost festivals throughout France. People have been waving posters proclaiming: “Don’t touch my holiday.”

SNCF, the railway operator, has struck an unlikely deal with its 160,000 workers. It has given them the day off — but is asking them to make up the time by working one minute and 52 seconds extra each day.

While the trains may run, there is uncertainty among parents about whether to send their children to school amid reports that many teachers will not turn up. Anti-government anger generated by this chaos could bolster the “no” side in the referendum which, according to opinion polls last week, was virtually neck and neck with the “yes” camp.

The pressures on Raffarin, everyone’s favourite punchbag, have taken a toll and he was rushed to a military hospital last weekend complaining of stomach pains.

His gall bladder was removed and he had to take several days off work amid rumours that he is preparing a dignified exit from office instead of waiting for Chirac to sack him. Having succeeded in charming the generals, Alliot-Marie has been preening herself to succeed him.

Yet whether she or Dominique de Villepin, the flamboyant interior minister, replaces Raffarin, there is only one contender for the role of a “Thatcher-Blair” reformist. Nicolas Sarkozy, who runs the governing Union for a Popular Movement, might try to fulfil it if he wins the presidential election in 2007.

“Europe does not exempt France from engaging in modernisation that others have implemented before us,” said Sarkozy, a conservative rival of Chirac. He spoke of “political blindness to refuse in our country what has been proven to work elsewhere. The best model is that which gives work to everyone. And that is not ours.” But he has yet to convince the voters.
hehe   Sunday, May 15, 2005, 10:57 GMT
<The Proud French Military History in a Nutshell>

Quite interesting and that show how stupid those deluded Frogophiles are really are.

Go run back to your hole frogs because the krauts are going to step on you. :P
Adam is useless   Sunday, May 15, 2005, 11:06 GMT
Can there be a future for a man (child?) who has dedicated his entire _insignificant_ life to attempting desperately to convince a few antimoon posters -- and, first and foremost, himself -- that England is the utmost form of civilisation in existence nowadays?
greg   Sunday, May 15, 2005, 11:12 GMT
mjd : time to wake up.
Adam is useless   Sunday, May 15, 2005, 11:49 GMT
"Adam is useless"

Well, I think Adam would make for a good paperweight and dartboard.
Damian   Sunday, May 15, 2005, 11:55 GMT
I think it's time to blow the full time whistle in this pointless and silly Anglo-Gallic Forum war. Or is it really? I think everyone secretly enjoys chucking insults back and forth at each other across 22 miles of choppy grey water.

The English Channel / La Manche / Der Kanal will always be some sort of barrier, a divide between two mentalities....one island, the other mainland. Ferries and Chunnels and a supposed stable political Union are just umbilical chords between us but not sufficient to overcome centuries and centuries of a love/hate relationship. Close neighbours are often scrapping with each other. Time to kick the last emotion into touch but judging by the contents of this thread there's more chance of Jacques Chirac becoming the next King of England. What's the betting form on the Entente becoming more Cordiale?
greg   Sunday, May 15, 2005, 12:07 GMT
Damian : "This pointless and silly Anglo-Gallic Forum war".

There's no Anglo-Gallic war. It's just Adam's pathologic exhibitionism... Pointless and silly, as you mentioned.

It is absolute nonsense to categorise non-Adamising people as Gallic or non-English...
bernard   Sunday, May 15, 2005, 12:55 GMT
Damian : "This pointless and silly Anglo-Gallic Forum war".

By the way, "Gallic" is a word that doesn't refer to the french people but to the celtic tribes that were living here before roman times "Gauls"...
I don't consider myself to be a Gaul,I'm not a celt, I'm not "Gallic"
It is as inacuarte call me "gallic" than calling a mexican "an aztec"
Damian   Sunday, May 15, 2005, 13:36 GMT
Again I made a (sort of) stupid mistake technically, and I know what you guys are saying. Of course Gallic does not specifically mean French in the strict sense of the word. I was just quoting it in a very much informal way...if you check it out in any dictionary* you will see the definition for Gallic as an adjective meaning (and I quote):

1. Of or relating to France
2. Of or relating to Gaul or the Gauls.

As the ancient region of Gaul incorporated much of what is now modern day France, the adjective Gallic (of Gaul) somehow became associated with France or the French people in general terms. You often see it in the British press when matters concerning France or the French are being discussed. I was merely following that tack.

On a lighter note, here in the UK Frenchmen have the reputation of being good lovers and very amorous, with the charm to go with it. It is often referred to as "typical Gallic charm". I'm sure ADAM would agree with that.

*The particular dictionary in this instance is Collins English dictionary.

The Concise Oxford ED: GALLIC: 1. French or typically French
2. Of the Gauls, Gaulish.

I think Gallic is a nice word and if I were French I'd be happy to be called Gallic...especially with that amorous connection...... :-)
greg   Sunday, May 15, 2005, 16:04 GMT
Damian : I understood that Gallic meant French.

So, if you prefer : it is absolute nonsense to categorise non-Adamising people as French or non-English...