is this short english text correct?

Perik   Mon Jan 04, 2010 7:55 pm GMT
Hi!

Im trying to translate a very short text from swedish into english and wounder if this text is correct grammatically in english:

[quote]Kopparmärra - a 6 659 kilogram statue, 5.6 meters high and 88% in copper depicting king Charles IX sitting on a horse.
On September 7, 1904 the statue was unveiled and inaugurated with much fanfare at Östra Hamngatan.
Thirty-one years later, it was decided that the statue due increase in traffic would be moved. The following year, the statue was moved to Kungsportsplatsen.
[/quote]

The original swedish text is here:
[quote]Kopparmärra - en 6 659 kilo tung staty, 5,6 meter hög och till 88% bestående av koppar föreställande Karl IX sittandes på en häst.
Den 7 september 1904 avtäcktes och invigdes statyn med pompa och ståt på Östra Hamngatan.
Trettioett år senare, bestämdes det att statyn p.g.a. stigande trafik skulle flyttas. Året därpå flyttades statyn till Kungsportsplatsen.
[/quote]

Thanks for your corrections in the english text

P
Timothy   Mon Jan 04, 2010 11:06 pm GMT
It's maybe 80-90% correct.

Here are my corrections:

"Kopparmärra - a statue depicting king Charles IX sitting on a horse.
It weighs 6,659 kilograms, stands 5.6 meters high and is made of 88% copper.
On September 7, 1904 the statue was unveiled and inaugurated with much fanfare at Östra Hamngatan.
Thirty-one years later, it was decided that the statue, due to an increase in traffic, would be moved. The following year, the statue was moved to Kungsportsplatsen. "

1. The first sentence is not a complete sentence, so I'm assuming it's the caption to some photo.

2. I'm not sure about your use of the word "inaugurated." Usually that word is followed by some purpose, such as "He was inaugurated as president." "as president" is the purpose.

3. What kind of traffic? Foot? Car? Was the traffic there to see the statue, or was the statue interfering with traffic going someplace else?

4. Some of my corrections are not absolutely necessary, but they do make the piece flow smoothly and make it easier to understand.
Guest   Mon Jan 04, 2010 11:16 pm GMT
1. Statues don't "depict". You can just say "a statue of King Charles on a horse".

2. "Thirty-one years later, it was decided that the statue, due to an increase in traffic, would be moved" - better: "Thirty-one years later, it was decided that, due to / because of an increase in traffic, the statue would be moved."

3. "With much fanfare": fanfares are countable.

4. For measurements, say 6000kg, 5m high, etc. (i.e. abbreviate and don't leave a gap).

5. "On September 7, 1904 the statue was unveiled" - better: "The statue was unveiled on September 7, 1904, etc."
Robin Michael   Tue Jan 05, 2010 7:52 am GMT
Kopparmärra: a 6,659 kilogram statue, 5.6 meters high and 88% copper, depicting King Charles IX sitting on a horse.

On 7th September 1904 the statue was unveiled and inaugurated with much fanfare at Östra Hamngatan.

Thirty-one years later; it was decided to move the statue due to the increase in traffic. The following year, 1936, the statue was moved to Kungsportsplatsen.






(We both agree it should be King Charles.)
Guest   Tue Jan 05, 2010 9:50 pm GMT
<Thirty-one years later; it was decided >

Weird semi-colon.
informer   Tue Jan 05, 2010 9:57 pm GMT
<<<Thirty-one years later; it was decided >

Weird semi-colon. >>>


Not just weird. Incorrect.
Qwaggmireland   Thu Jan 07, 2010 5:43 am GMT
What dose :semi-colon" mean in English ... betwixterstrike, betweenwordmark, tweenwordhalfstrike, halfwicherstrike ?
PIE   Thu Jan 07, 2010 6:45 am GMT
<<betwixterstrike,>>

What does betwixterstrike mean in Proto-Indo-European... nukaglum, ksorbito, bulakhobans ?
Qwaggmireland   Thu Jan 07, 2010 7:13 am GMT
Hello PIE, it depends on what 'betwixt', -er endings and 'strike' mean in ProtoIE. Innit?
Another Guest   Thu Jan 07, 2010 8:54 pm GMT
1. It would be more idiomatic to put the composition first, then the height, then the weight.
2. The word "in" in "88% in copper" is out of place.
3. It is usual, at least in American English, to either not demark thousands at all, or use commas, rather than using spaces.
4. When units are used as nouns, they are marked by number, but when they are used as an adjectival phrase, they are not ("5.6 meter high", not "5.6 meters high"). You can avoid this issue by, as a previous poster mentioned, simply abbreviating to m.
5. You used a hyphen at the very beginning, but you should have a dash or a colon.
6. It's not completely wrong to say "depicting", but it does imply that a specific event is being represented.
7. There should be a comma after the year 1904.
8. In the penultimate sentence, you need the preposition "to" after "due", and the article "an" before "increase". Also, the phrase "due to an increase in traffic" doesn't modify the word "statue", so it should not be placed next to that word.

"Kopparmärra -- a 88% copper, 5.6m high, 6,659kg statue, depicting king Charles IX sitting on a horse.
On September 7, 1904, the statue was unveiled and inaugurated with much fanfare at Östra Hamngatan.
Thirty-one years later, due to an increase in traffice, it was decided that the statue would be moved. The following year, the statue was moved to Kungsportsplatsen."
Robin Michael   Fri Jan 08, 2010 2:35 pm GMT
After all that, he did not put a capital K in King, and he has misspelt 'traffic'.



Kopparmärra

Statue of King Karl IX riding his horse in Kungsportsplatsen.



King Karl IX founded the community that served as a predecessor to Gothenburg, Färjenäs at Eriksberg. A bronze-and-copper equestrian statue of the king stands at Kungportsplatsen. The statue Kopparmärra was made by Börjesson and the casting was done in Stockholm. The inscriptions on the statue's foot are from king Karl XI's commemorative notes to his court chaplain. The statue was inaugurated in 1904 by king Oscar II. The name means Copper Mare, the king's horse on the statue being a stallion, made of about 90% copper. Kungportsplatsen is not the original location of the statue; it used to stand on Östra Hamngatan and was seen from Avenyn. But the statue was in the way of the trams and had to be moved to Kungportsplatsen in the 1930s. Kopparmärra is a popular meeting point, because of its very central location at Kungportsplatsen.



House Karls had an important part to play in English history at the Battle of Hastings 1066.

Housecarls (Old Norse: húskarlar). The Dane Knut Svensson (‘King Canute’) took the English throne in 1016 following the death of his rival Edmund ‘Ironside’, bringing in the élite of his own Viking troops for his personal protection and as a supplement to the English fyrd. These warriors, known as ‘housecarls’, were heavy infantry armed in the Danish fashion with long, broad-bladed axes requiring the use of both hands to swing them effectively. Since this meant that they could not hold a shield, the housecarls were equipped with stout mail coats and helmets.