"Life is too short to learn German"

Mark   Fri May 14, 2010 3:44 pm GMT
<< he did the German language a huge disservice >>

But he also tried to reform it.
Read below:

"There are people in the world who will take a great deal of trouble to point out the faults in a religion or a language, and then go blandly about their business without suggesting any remedy. I am not that kind of person. I have shown that the German language needs reforming. Very well, I am ready to reform it. At least I am ready to make the proper suggestions. Such a course as this might be immodest in another; but I have devoted upward of nine full weeks, first and last, to a careful and critical study of this tongue, and thus have acquired a confidence in my ability to reform it which no mere superficial culture could have conferred upon me.

In the first place, I would leave out the Dative case. It confuses the plurals; and, besides, nobody ever knows when he is in the Dative case, except he discover it by accident -- and then he does not know when or where it was that he got into it, or how long he has been in it, or how he is going to get out of it again. The Dative case is but an ornamental folly -- it is better to discard it.

In the next place, I would move the Verb further up to the front. You may load up with ever so good a Verb, but I notice that you never really bring down a subject with it at the present German range -- you only cripple it. So I insist that this important part of speech should be brought forward to a position where it may be easily seen with the naked eye.

Thirdly, I would import some strong words from the English tongue -- to swear with, and also to use in describing all sorts of vigorous things in a vigorous ways. [4]

4. "Verdammt," and its variations and enlargements, are words which have plenty of meaning, but the sounds are so mild and ineffectual that German ladies can use them without sin. German ladies who could not be induced to commit a sin by any persuasion or compulsion, promptly rip out one of these harmless little words when they tear their dresses or don't like the soup. It sounds about as wicked as our "My gracious." German ladies are constantly saying, "Ach! Gott!" "Mein Gott!" "Gott in Himmel!" "Herr Gott" "Der Herr Jesus!" etc. They think our ladies have the same custom, perhaps; for I once heard a gentle and lovely old German lady say to a sweet young American girl: "The two languages are so alike -- how pleasant that is; we say `Ach! Gott!' you say `Goddamn.'"

Fourthly, I would reorganize the sexes, and distribute them accordingly to the will of the creator. This as a tribute of respect, if nothing else.

Fifthly, I would do away with those great long compounded words; or require the speaker to deliver them in sections, with intermissions for refreshments. To wholly do away with them would be best, for ideas are more easily received and digested when they come one at a time than when they come in bulk. Intellectual food is like any other; it is pleasanter and more beneficial to take it with a spoon than with a shovel.

Sixthly, I would require a speaker to stop when he is done, and not hang a string of those useless "haben sind gewesen gehabt haben geworden seins" to the end of his oration. This sort of gewgaws undignify a speech, instead of adding a grace. They are, therefore, an offense, and should be discarded.

Seventhly, I would discard the Parenthesis. Also the reparenthesis, the re-reparenthesis, and the re-re-re-re-re-reparentheses, and likewise the final wide-reaching all-inclosing king-parenthesis. I would require every individual, be he high or low, to unfold a plain straightforward tale, or else coil it and sit on it and hold his peace. Infractions of this law should be punishable with death.

And eighthly, and last, I would retain Zug and Schlag, with their pendants, and discard the rest of the vocabulary. This would simplify the language.

I have now named what I regard as the most necessary and important changes. These are perhaps all I could be expected to name for nothing; but there are other suggestions which I can and will make in case my proposed application shall result in my being formally employed by the government in the work of reforming the language.

My philological studies have satisfied me that a gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years. It seems manifest, then, that the latter tongue ought to be trimmed down and repaired. If it is to remain as it is, it ought to be gently and reverently set aside among the dead languages, for only the dead have time to learn it."
Baldewin   Fri May 14, 2010 3:46 pm GMT
Damn. He wants to impoverish the German language.
Baldewin   Fri May 14, 2010 3:47 pm GMT
*wanted (he's dead)
Baldewin   Fri May 14, 2010 3:50 pm GMT
By the way, i'm an under-germanic flemish, and I suck only germanic cocks (with cream of course).
Mark   Fri May 14, 2010 3:51 pm GMT
Yeah, I sucked too much Black penis.
Baldewin   Fri May 14, 2010 3:52 pm GMT
Why do i piss sperm, now ?

Cream, of course !
Baldewin   Fri May 14, 2010 3:55 pm GMT
Why do i smell cum when I belch ?

Cream, of course !
Mark   Fri May 14, 2010 3:58 pm GMT
Let's have an orgy, Baldewin!
Baldewin   Fri May 14, 2010 4:07 pm GMT
Sorry, you sucked too much black penis. I don't want you to vomit black sperm on me.
Azaria   Fri May 14, 2010 5:44 pm GMT
<<Modern civilization was born with germanic settlement in Europe.>>

The Germanic people played a large role in transforming the Roman Empire into Medieval Europe.
In other words they transformed Europe from an ordered, enlightened place into another full of poverty, diseases and obscurantism, in what is known as the Dark Ages.
Franco   Fri May 14, 2010 5:48 pm GMT
<< The Germanic people played a large role in transforming the Roman Empire into Medieval Europe.

>>

That is, the Germanics transformed Europe for worse. Don't get me wrong, Germanics have caught up with the Latin countries and now they are more developed, but I think that if Roman Empire didn't collapse nowadays we would be more developed, for example we would be colonising other planets right now. It is interesting to note some resemblances between Germanic invasions 2000 years ago and the Muslim invasion we are suffering nowadays.
.~$~.   Fri May 14, 2010 5:58 pm GMT
<<That is, the Germanics transformed Europe for worse. Don't get me wrong, Germanics have caught up with the Latin countries and now they are more developed, but I think that if Roman Empire didn't collapse nowadays we would be more developed, for example we would be colonising other planets right now.>>

Ye'r and idiot
Antonius   Fri May 14, 2010 8:11 pm GMT
The Germanics set back Europe's development for almost a thousand years, but somehow they've become more sophisticated today.
Franco   Fri May 14, 2010 8:23 pm GMT
The Muslism will do the same. Figure out, 2000 years wasted in total. We can't allow it. All Muslims should be expelled from Europe.
Baldewin   Fri May 14, 2010 10:16 pm GMT
Sounds very familiar to Islamic prayer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yY7dtuYH7B0

And this is written by a Christian descendant of Germanic so-called heathens.