"Four Candles" "No, Fork Handles !!!!

Robin   Tue Sep 05, 2006 12:32 pm GMT
I was just reminded of a comic sketch by Ronnie Barker. In this sketch, Ronnie Barker asks the Shop Assistant for "Four Candles".

{The whole humour is based on pronouciation. 'Fork Handles', sounds like "For_ _Andles" or "For Kandles", which sounds like "Four Candles".

The Shop Assistant goes to a great deal of trouble to get the "Four Candles", until he realises that what Ronnie Barker wanted was "Fork Handles", and so it goes on.}

http://www.angelfire.com/me/tvcomedy/fourcandles.html

THE TWO RONNIES
Of all the sketches performed by The Two Ronnies, my favourite sketch is 'The Hardware Shop', commonly called 'Four Candles'. Here are the words and actions for that sketch:


In a hardware shop. Ronnie Corbett is behind the counter, wearing a warehouse jacket. He has just finished serving a customer.
CORBETT (muttering): There you are. Mind how you go.
(Ronnie Barker enters the shop, wearing a scruffy tank-top)
BARKER: Four Candles!
CORBETT: Four Candles?

{What is a 'Tank Top'?: A tight fitting knitted top, with no sleeves. I could not find a good definition because this type of garment was only worn in the Sixties. So, what Ronnie Barker is wearing is slightly odd.}
Uriel   Sat Sep 09, 2006 8:13 pm GMT
Tank tops are still very much worn, Robin. Especially in warmer climates. They have nothing to do with the sixties.
zxczxc   Sat Sep 09, 2006 10:26 pm GMT
Also, it Four Candles doesn't sound like For Kandles, as you put it... although Fork Handles and the former certainly are homophones if one drops the H in speech.
Rick Johnson   Sun Sep 10, 2006 2:53 pm GMT
The British definition of a "tank top" is a sleeveless sweater.
Adam   Sun Sep 10, 2006 5:22 pm GMT
The Four Candles sketch is ingenious. It was voted the Greatest Comedy Sketch Of All Time.
Adam   Sun Sep 10, 2006 5:26 pm GMT
"Also, it Four Candles doesn't sound like For Kandles, as you put it... although Fork Handles and the former certainly are homophones if one drops the H in speech. "
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The late Ronnie Barker goes into a hardware shop and says "Four Candles."

The shopkeeper - little Ronnie Corbett - opens a draw, takes out four candles and places them on the table.

Barker says "No, four candles!"

Corbett: "Well, there you are! Four candles!"

Barker: "No! Fork 'andles! 'Andles for forks!" (In his London accent)

As he reads through his list of wanted items, he pronounces them wrong so that it sounds as though he wants a similar-sounding item. You can only appreciate how hilarious it is if you watch it.
Adam   Sun Sep 10, 2006 5:29 pm GMT
In a hardware shop. Ronnie Corbett is behind the counter, wearing a warehouse jacket. He has just finished serving a customer.


CORBETT (muttering): There you are. Mind how you go.
(Ronnie Barker enters the shop, wearing a scruffy tank-top and beanie)
BARKER: Four Candles!
CORBETT: Four Candles?
BARKER: Four Candles.
(Ronnie Corbett makes for a box, and gets out four candles. He places them on the counter)
BARKER: No, four candles!
CORBETT (confused): Well there you are, four candles!
BARKER: No, fork 'andles! 'Andles for forks!
(Ronnie Corbett puts the candles away, and goes to get a fork handle. He places it onto the counter)CORBETT (muttering): Fork handles. Thought you said 'four candles!' (more clearly) Next?
BARKER: Got any plugs?
CORBETT: Plugs. What kind of plugs?
BARKER: A rubber one, bathroom.
(Ronnie Corbett gets out a box of bath plugs, and places it on the counter)
CORBETT (pulling out two different sized plugs): What size?
BARKER: Thirteen amp!
CORBETT (muttering): It's electric bathroom plugs, we call them, in the trade. Electric bathroom plugs!
(He puts the box away, gets out another box, and places on the counter an electric plug, then puts the box away)
BARKER: Saw tips!
CORBETT: Saw tips? (he doesn't know what he means) What d'you want? Ointment, or something like that?
BARKER: No, saw tips for covering saws.
CORBETT: Oh, haven't got any, haven't got any. (he mutters) Comin' in, but we haven' got any. Next?
BARKER: 'O's!
CORBETT: 'O's?
BARKER: 'O's.
(He goes to get a hoe, and places it on the counter)
BARKER: No, 'O's!
CORBETT: 'O's! I thought you said 'O! (he takes the hose back, and gets a hose, whilst muttering) When you said 'O's, I thought you said 'O! 'O's!
(He places the hose onto the counter)
BARKER: No, 'O's!
CORBETT (confused for a moment): O's? Oh, you mean panty 'o's, panty 'o's! (he picks up a pair of tights from beside him)
BARKER: No, no, 'O's! 'O's for the gate. Mon repose! 'O's! Letter O's!
CORBETT (finally realising): Letter O's! (muttering) You had me going there!
(He climbs up a stepladder, gets a box down, puts the ladder away, and takes the box to the counter, and searches through it for letter O's)
CORBETT: How many d'you want?
BARKER: Two.
(Ronnie Corbett leaves two letter O's on the counter, then takes the box back, gets the ladder out again, puts the box away, climbs down the ladder, and puts the ladder away, then returns to the counter)
CORBETT: Yes, next?
BARKER: Got any P's?
CORBETT (fed up): For Gawd' sake, why didn' you bleedin' tell me that while I was up there then? I'm up and down the shop already, it's up and down the bleedin' shop all the time. (He gets the ladder out, climbs up and gets the box of letters down, then puts the ladder away) Honestly, I've got all this shop, I ain't got any help, it's worth it we plan things. (He puts the box on the counter, and gets out some letter P's) How many d'you want?
BARKER: No! Tins of peas. Three tins of peas!
CORBETT: You're 'avin' me on, ain't ya, yer 'avin' me on?
BARKER: I'm not!
(Ronnie Corbett dumps the box under the counter, and gets three tins of peas)
CORBETT (placing the tins on the counter): Next?
BARKER: Got any pumps?
CORBETT (getting really fed up): 'And pumps, foot pumps? Come on!
BARKER (surprised he has to ask): Foot pumps!
CORBETT (muttering, as he goes down the shop): Foot pumps. See a foot pump? (He sees one, and picks it up) Tidy up in 'ere.
(He puts the pump down on the counter)
BARKER: No, pumps fer ya feet! Brown pump, size nine!
CORBETT (almost at breaking point): You are 'avin' me on, you are definitely 'avin' me on!
BARKER (not taking much notice of Corbett's mood): I'm not!
CORBETT: You are 'avin' me on! (He takes back the pump, and gets a pair of brown foot pumps out of a drawer, and places them on the counter) Next?
BARKER: Washers!
CORBETT (really close to breaking point): What, dishwashers, floor washers, car washers, windscreen washers, back scrubbers, lavatory cleaners? Floor washers?
BARKER: 'Alf inch washers!
CORBETT: Oh, tap washers, tap washers? (He finally breaks, and makes to confiscate his list) Look, I've had just about enough of this, give us that list. (He mutters) I'll get it all myself! (Reading through the list) What's this? What's that? Oh that does it! That just about does it! I have just about had it! (calling through to the back) Mr. Jones! You come out and serve this customer please, I have just about had enough of 'im. (Mr. Jones comes out, and Ronnie Corbett shows him the list) Look what 'e's got on there! Look what 'e's got on there!
JONES (who goes to a drawer with a towel hanging out of it, and opens it): Right! How many would ya like? One or two?
(He removes the towel to reveal the label on the drawer - 'Bill hooks'!)

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British comedy, the best - and cleverest - in the world.
greg   Mon Sep 11, 2006 12:46 am GMT
Adam : « British comedy, the best - and cleverest - in the world. »

Tu es une comédie britannique à toi tout seul !

Certainement pas la meilleure.

Ni la plus maline d'ailleurs...