15 October 2006
THE FOOL ENGLISH!
HOW OUR LANGUAGE GETS LOST IN TRANSLATION
Rachael Bletchly
*SPOKEN by more than 700 million people, English has travelled to all corners of the globe. But some of it gets scrambled along the way. A new book, Lost in Translation, has compiled some of the best, or worst, communication catastrophes. RACHAEL BLETCHLY picks out a few of her favourites...
Hotels' room for improvement
India: Welcome to Hotel Cosy: where no one is stranger
Paris: Please leave your values at the front desk.
Seoul: Third floor: Turkey Bath.
Hamburg, Germany: It is our intention to pleasure you every day.
Zurich: We have nice bath and are very good in bed.
Thailand, donkey tours: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
Baghdad: No consummation whatever may take place in the foyer.
Madrid: If you wish disinfection enacted in your presence, cry out for the chambermaid.
By a phone in a hotel room, in Amsterdam: Telephone instructions can be found on the backside.
------------------------------------------------
Plane speaking
Instructions on a Korean flight: Upon arrival at Kimpo and Kimahie Airport, please wear your clothes.
Caption in Chinese in-flight magazine on a picture of a bagpiper:
A man dressed in a Scottish woollen skirt blowing air whistle.
Danish airline: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
Sick bag on a Spanish plane: Bags to be used in case of sickness or to gather remains.
Fire!
Tokyo: In case of earthquake use the torch to pass yourself out.
Beijing: No smoking in bed. If it's on fire, the guests should be dispersed according to safety
Japan: In case of fire, try to use the fire exting wisher.
---------------------------
Driven to distraction
Petrol station, New Mexico: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container
Japanese Road Sign: Stop. Drive sideways.
Outside a shop in Athens: Park one hour. Later dick dock goes the money clock.
Dangerous road surface warning in Beijing: To take notice of safe, the slippery are very crafty.
Sign on a car in Manila: Car and owner for sale.
Sign for motoring event in French Riviera: Competitors will defile themselves on the promenade at 11am and each car will have two drivers who will relieve themselves at each other's convenience.
-----------------------------------------
Unhealthy language
Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
On a Japanese medicine bottle: Adults, 1 tablet 3 times a day until passing away.
In office of a doctor in Rome: Specialist in women and other diseases.
Barbershop in Zanzibar: Gentlemem's throats cut with nice sharp razors.
Beauty shop in Japan: Beauty Brain's Fantastic Fannie.
-------------------------------------
Eating your words
Vienna: Fried milk, children sandwiches, roast cattle and boiled sheep.
Japan: Buttered saucepans and fried hormones
China: Mr Zheng and his fellow workers like to meet you and entertain you with hostility and unique cooking technique.
Malaysia: Seafood brought in by customers will not be entertained
Neon sign outside a restaurant in China: Smart noshery makes slobber
Hotel lobby, Bejing: Good appearance please. No watermelon.
-------------------------------------------
Tested to instructions
Candle, China: Keep this candle out of children
Taiwanese room spray: Can be used at any place where needs to eliminate the stinky smell and keep fleshing surroundings all the time
Taiwanese puzzle toy: Let's decompose and enjoy assembling!
Greek deodorant stick: Push up bottom.
Fire extinguisher, Calcutta: Cease fire
For Swedish flat pack cabinet: It is advisory to be two people during assembly.
------------------------------------------
Shop soiled
Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
In an Israeli butcher's: I slaughter myself twice daily
Sign on Hong Kong shop closing down: Anal Clearance
Shop in Majorca: English well talking here speeching American.
Name of shop in Indonesia: 69% Perfect Shop
Paris: Dresses for street walking.
Cards handed out in front of a shop in Mexico: Come to Juan's Jewelry Shop. We won't screw you too much.
----------------------------------------------
Sign language
Museum in Shanghai: Be careful to butt head on wall.
Oklahoma City (in an English-speaking country): No dumping - trespassers will be violated.
Tibet: Reception Centre for the Unorganised Tourists
On a tap in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn the cock to the right.
Sign in Tokyo - Cars will not have intercourse on this bridge
Balinese menu - Toes with butter and jam
Swimming is forbidden in the absence of the Saviour - Sign in French swimming baths
If you cannot reach a fire exit, close the door and expose yourself at the window - Finnish hotel sign
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time - Sign in Rome laundry
Lost in Translation: Misadventures in English Abroad, by Charlie Croker (Michael O'Mara Books, £9.99).
thepeople.co.uk
THE FOOL ENGLISH!
HOW OUR LANGUAGE GETS LOST IN TRANSLATION
Rachael Bletchly
*SPOKEN by more than 700 million people, English has travelled to all corners of the globe. But some of it gets scrambled along the way. A new book, Lost in Translation, has compiled some of the best, or worst, communication catastrophes. RACHAEL BLETCHLY picks out a few of her favourites...
Hotels' room for improvement
India: Welcome to Hotel Cosy: where no one is stranger
Paris: Please leave your values at the front desk.
Seoul: Third floor: Turkey Bath.
Hamburg, Germany: It is our intention to pleasure you every day.
Zurich: We have nice bath and are very good in bed.
Thailand, donkey tours: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
Baghdad: No consummation whatever may take place in the foyer.
Madrid: If you wish disinfection enacted in your presence, cry out for the chambermaid.
By a phone in a hotel room, in Amsterdam: Telephone instructions can be found on the backside.
------------------------------------------------
Plane speaking
Instructions on a Korean flight: Upon arrival at Kimpo and Kimahie Airport, please wear your clothes.
Caption in Chinese in-flight magazine on a picture of a bagpiper:
A man dressed in a Scottish woollen skirt blowing air whistle.
Danish airline: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
Sick bag on a Spanish plane: Bags to be used in case of sickness or to gather remains.
Fire!
Tokyo: In case of earthquake use the torch to pass yourself out.
Beijing: No smoking in bed. If it's on fire, the guests should be dispersed according to safety
Japan: In case of fire, try to use the fire exting wisher.
---------------------------
Driven to distraction
Petrol station, New Mexico: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container
Japanese Road Sign: Stop. Drive sideways.
Outside a shop in Athens: Park one hour. Later dick dock goes the money clock.
Dangerous road surface warning in Beijing: To take notice of safe, the slippery are very crafty.
Sign on a car in Manila: Car and owner for sale.
Sign for motoring event in French Riviera: Competitors will defile themselves on the promenade at 11am and each car will have two drivers who will relieve themselves at each other's convenience.
-----------------------------------------
Unhealthy language
Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
On a Japanese medicine bottle: Adults, 1 tablet 3 times a day until passing away.
In office of a doctor in Rome: Specialist in women and other diseases.
Barbershop in Zanzibar: Gentlemem's throats cut with nice sharp razors.
Beauty shop in Japan: Beauty Brain's Fantastic Fannie.
-------------------------------------
Eating your words
Vienna: Fried milk, children sandwiches, roast cattle and boiled sheep.
Japan: Buttered saucepans and fried hormones
China: Mr Zheng and his fellow workers like to meet you and entertain you with hostility and unique cooking technique.
Malaysia: Seafood brought in by customers will not be entertained
Neon sign outside a restaurant in China: Smart noshery makes slobber
Hotel lobby, Bejing: Good appearance please. No watermelon.
-------------------------------------------
Tested to instructions
Candle, China: Keep this candle out of children
Taiwanese room spray: Can be used at any place where needs to eliminate the stinky smell and keep fleshing surroundings all the time
Taiwanese puzzle toy: Let's decompose and enjoy assembling!
Greek deodorant stick: Push up bottom.
Fire extinguisher, Calcutta: Cease fire
For Swedish flat pack cabinet: It is advisory to be two people during assembly.
------------------------------------------
Shop soiled
Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
In an Israeli butcher's: I slaughter myself twice daily
Sign on Hong Kong shop closing down: Anal Clearance
Shop in Majorca: English well talking here speeching American.
Name of shop in Indonesia: 69% Perfect Shop
Paris: Dresses for street walking.
Cards handed out in front of a shop in Mexico: Come to Juan's Jewelry Shop. We won't screw you too much.
----------------------------------------------
Sign language
Museum in Shanghai: Be careful to butt head on wall.
Oklahoma City (in an English-speaking country): No dumping - trespassers will be violated.
Tibet: Reception Centre for the Unorganised Tourists
On a tap in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn the cock to the right.
Sign in Tokyo - Cars will not have intercourse on this bridge
Balinese menu - Toes with butter and jam
Swimming is forbidden in the absence of the Saviour - Sign in French swimming baths
If you cannot reach a fire exit, close the door and expose yourself at the window - Finnish hotel sign
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time - Sign in Rome laundry
Lost in Translation: Misadventures in English Abroad, by Charlie Croker (Michael O'Mara Books, £9.99).
thepeople.co.uk