"country in western"??
Do British people understand American slangs?
***In Britain a barbecue is a grill-thing that men use to prove why they should never be allowed in the kitchen unsupervised***
Right, Madam, if you want to engage in outright sexism then I will respond likewise. In Britain 99% of the very best, top rate chefs, dishing out the yummiest menus imaginable, are MEN. OK? Got it? Good!
Just as one of many examples on UK TV I suggest you take a peep at BBC1 TV on any Saturday morning between 10:00 - 11:30hrs. Watch James Martin, a son of the soil from Yorkshire, England, educated at Ampleforth RC College, Yorkshire, England (like Rupert Everett among other luminaries) allow a team of male chefs (and, when he's feeling particularly full of bonhomie, the occasional female chef) to display their great skills in producing the most fantastic dishes, under extreme pressure, and the barest minimum of time, and with no supervision at all, and with gazillions of people watching - LIVE.
Invariably these blokes come out tops, and with no fuss or faffing about and issuing orders to do this that and the other to either James himself or the other male chefs present - it's those occasional female chefs who do all the drama queenery stuff, and usually end up making a wee bit of a dog's dinner of the omelette race and then placing the blame elsewhere.
So think on before you make blatantly sexist comments that invite responses like mine here.
btw the term Madam is a polite form of address in the UK for a female, but so many females seem to object to it for reasons best known to themselves. On the Weakest Link recently that viperish virago feminist Anne Robinson once mouthed off at a guy who addressed her as "Madam" and he apologised. On a later program another bloke did the same, and I suspect he did it deliberately, and when he was later voted off Robinson yelled out the words "You ARE the Weakest Link" with even more venom and spite than usual! ;-)
A cookout is, at least in Texas, different from a BBQ. It's one of those things like all BBQs are cookouts, but not all cookouts are BBQs. At cookouts you usually have burgers or hot dogs. At a Texas BBQ we usually have brisket (with only a little bit of sauce), BBQ beans, potato salad, Texas toast (which is really just buttered toast that you heat up on the grill)... Ok, I need to stop.
Oh, and beer :-)
>>In San Diego one of my friends told me he bought his girlfriend a barbecue... And I said "a barbecued what...?"
I've always been aware that there are people out there who refer to a grill as a barbecue, but I didn't think in the US... A "barbecue" to me, a Texan, is a type of sauce or a type of party, at which you have food with barbecue sauce, etc.<<
At least here in Wisconsin, the word "barbecue" is used at times to refer to a grill, albeit generally inconsistently in alternation with the word "grill" itself.
I remember that show. They stopped showing it here because of the host's anti-Americanism.
That's true. Robinson has this idea that she has the God given right to say anything she likes, at anytime she likes and to anyone within range of her acid tongue.
She really is virulently anti-American which makes her the female equivalent of Jeremy Clarkson who also disses just about everything that comes out of the United States of America, from cars to (in his opinion)"deranged" preacher evangelists. But that's Clarkson for you - the female Robinson. His venture out into the American Bible Belt in a beat up old car with a highly controversial slogan painted on both sides of the vehicle is now legendary. Robinson has yet to do anything like that - all her nastiness comes out of her venomous gob.
Now and again American contestants appear on her Weakest Link Show (Americans who now reside in the UK) and she invariably targets them with negative comments about their nationality, which can be quite embarrassing to many of us Brits who hold more moderate views.
I detest the woman.
Damian goes on abit, doesn't he?. Crikey o'reilly!. Prattling on like an old woman about how his bumchums in London talk. Who gives a rats arse what Anne Robinson thinks or says?. The ginga half-wit talks like she's had a stroke anyway. Clarkson is stuck in the 1980's and thinks that going sideways round an airfield is cool. He doesn't seem to realise he's a shit driver. Lardy comedians get round the course faster than he does.
Subject: John Cleese's Letter to the Americans
Declaration of Revocation by John Cleese
To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new Prime Minister for the time being (The Right Honourable Gordon Brown, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.
You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."
You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
Look up "interspersed."
There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).
You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).
We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2010.
You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day."
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2009) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $11/US gallon -- get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation.
<<Thank you for your co-operation.>>
Jesus Christ. How many times has everybody seen this fucking thing?
<<Damian goes on abit, doesn't he?. Crikey o'reilly!. Prattling on like an old woman about how his bumchums in London talk>>
We're fortunate Damien's here to add color. He's my favorite poster in fact. And even though he's Scottish he writes English like a native speaker. Also, being from Edinborough I think most of his bumchums are probably up there in Scotland as opposed to London.
<<The ginga half-wit talks like she's had a stroke anyway>>
That made me laugh out loud! I don't know what "ginga" means but that's probably the funniest line I've seen on this site. Half-wit stroke victim or not, I'd still like to bang her (Anne Robinson) and make her eat dog food off the floor.
Benny- Damian is a native speaker of English. You don't have to live in England to be a native speaker of the language.
John Cleese- Just about the most boring thing I've ever read. I had to take a shot of caffeine just to stay awake.
That piece by John Cleese is an excellent example of why good comedians should be allowed to die young!
It's not by John Cleese.