How does this sound?

Thou   Sat Dec 19, 2009 9:56 am GMT
How does this sound?
"They went out every morning to the outskirts of town in anxious anticipation of his advent/arrival, with only the heat of noon at its peak to drive them back."
Truth   Sat Dec 19, 2009 10:06 am GMT
Like shit.
Guest   Sat Dec 19, 2009 10:39 am GMT
What is the peak of the heat of noon?

They went out every morning to wait for him on the edge of town. When it got too hot, they came back.
Thou   Sat Dec 19, 2009 11:16 am GMT
Thanks Guest.
What about this?
"As their wait increased day after day, so did the intensity of the disappointment they experienced."
Caspian   Sat Dec 19, 2009 7:53 pm GMT
Perfect
Guest   Sun Dec 20, 2009 12:59 am GMT
But the disappointment was probably most intense on the first day. Hope fades, with repeated waiting; resignation replaces disappointment.
Uriel   Sun Dec 20, 2009 1:09 am GMT
Like shit.
Entbark   Sun Dec 20, 2009 3:42 am GMT
"The heat of noon at its peak" would flow better as "the heat of the noonday sun at its peak."
Guest again   Sun Dec 20, 2009 12:08 pm GMT
The heat of the noonday sun does not have a peak, though the heat of the sun does.

Disappointment does not increase with waiting, though despair does.
Steak 'n' chips   Tue Dec 22, 2009 8:39 pm GMT
I think it reads pretty well if you just drop "at its peak". Smaller can be better :-)

By the way, heat is usually at its peak well after noon, perhaps closer to 2pm, so "at its peak" just seems unneccesary and confusing.
Caspian   Thu Dec 24, 2009 8:54 pm GMT
I changed my mind. It sounds like shit after all.