well

Guest   Sun Dec 30, 2007 7:03 am GMT
when and why do you say well?
i just dont feel the need to say this
furrykef   Sun Dec 30, 2007 8:16 am GMT
Well, then don't. ;)

It's usually used before a pause to gather one's thoughts. It's rude to just be silent without acknowledgement if somebody is expecting a response... my mother does this all the time and it drives me crazy.

It's also used to soften speech somewhat, for instance if you're about to deliver some bad news, or, as I did above, to offer a suggestion that might otherwise sound a bit abrupt.

It's almost always used when forming a response or a topic change, though. It'd usually be odd to open a conversation with "Well...", for example. (There are exceptions... "Well, well, look who's here!" is a common greeting, for example, but it's delivered with a completely different intonation.)

Oh, there's one more usage that I forgot. It can also be used to indicate impatience when expecting a response and not getting one: "Did you really think that was a good idea? ....... Well??"

- Kef
polap   Sun Dec 30, 2007 5:47 pm GMT
<<It's usually used before a pause to gather one's thoughts. It's rude to just be silent without acknowledgement if somebody is expecting a response... my mother does this all the time and it drives me crazy.>>

I always do that, too. I didn't know it was rude... I just knew that it was awkward.

But wouldn't it be more weird if you say "well" and then still can't come up with something to say so you pause for another 10 seconds or so???? You can't just keep saying "well" over and over again every 10 seconds, right? Doing that would be way more weird than just not saying "well" even one time and pausing.
furrykef   Sun Dec 30, 2007 6:42 pm GMT
<< I didn't know it was rude... I just knew that it was awkward. >>

Well, I wouldn't consider it rude in the sense of being offensive. It's not like an insult. It's more of a matter that it gives the appearance of not paying attention. Everybody has lapses of attention now and then, and that's understandable, but it's not really good form to leave somebody wondering whether or not you've heard them if you have.

By the way, one thing that I find curious is that the Japanese language/culture takes this principle a step further. In Japanese, you're expected to continually acknowledge that you're listening whenever they're saying a few or more sentences at a time. (We do this to some extent in English, too, but my understanding is that it's required much less in English than in Japanese, and Japanese tends to use full words rather than grunts for acknowledgement.)

- Kef
furrykef   Sun Dec 30, 2007 6:51 pm GMT
<< But wouldn't it be more weird if you say "well" and then still can't come up with something to say so you pause for another 10 seconds or so???? You can't just keep saying "well" over and over again every 10 seconds, right? Doing that would be way more weird than just not saying "well" even one time and pausing. >>

I missed this part of the post. That's true, that'd be a bit weird. If I knew in advance I'd have to take a long time to come up with something, I'd say something like "Hold on", or "Hang on a sec...". You can also say that if you need more time than you initially thought: "Well, uh... hang on a sec..."

If you need to take a really long time to formulate your thoughts and you feel the need to say something again to acknowledge you're still thinking, one usually just says "uh..." or "umm...". Also, one usually assumes a different posture during such a pause: the head might be lowered or tilted to the side, for example, and the facial expression will usually indicate thinking in some way as well. There are some universals in body language, so you're probably already familiar with these postures and expressions.

- Kef