I know you all are still recovering from the Spam Virus of 2005 and to in an attempt to cheer up myself and others we should do something abit fun concerning languages.
This thread is bascially for example Sander tells a Dutch joke to a fellow dutchperson and finds its damn funny then he translates it into English but it loses the humour just because of the translatation and/or cultural misunderstanding.
Why dont you all post a joke (of course not Sexist, Racism or XXX) in your language then in English.
A young man called Peter invited his mother for dinner.
During the course of the meal, his mother couln't help but notice how handsome Peter's flatmate was. She had long since been suspicious of a relationship between the two guys, and this made her even more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and Paul, his flatmate, than met the eye.
Reading his Mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered: "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Paul and I are just good flatmates".
About a week later Paul came to Peter saying: "Ever since your mother came to dinner I've been unable to find the frying pan. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure," replied Peter.
So he sat down and wrote to his mother: "Dear Mum, I'm not saying that you "did" take the frying pan from my house. I'm not saying that you "did not" take the frying pan from my house, but the fact remains that it's been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Peter".
Several days later Peter received an e-mail from his mother which read: "Dear Peter. I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Paul. I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Paul, but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed he would have found the frying pan by now. Love, Mum".
A guy goes to a speach therapeut complaining that, according to his wife, he can't pronounce the word "frederick". The therapeut says nothing's wrong with him. The man goes home, says his wife "I told ya, I told ya", and then asks her to get him a nice cold beer from the frederick.
Um homem vai a um terapeuta da fala e queixa-se de que, segundo a mulher dele, não consegue dizer "frederico". O terapeuta diz que não há problema nenhum. O homem chega a casa, diz à mulher "não te disse, não te disse", e depois pede-lhe que lhe traga uma b'jeca fresquinha do frederico.
Frederico - Frigorífico = Frederick - Refrigerator
Blonde Joke 1
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you
know. We're going at night!"
Blonde Joke 2
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER!”
"NO," the blonde yelled back. "IT'S A SCARF!"
I remember once a US comedian was doing stand-up in Germany and he was telling the audience that Helmut Kohl's surname was cabbage, which he thought was funny as an English speaker but the audience didn't find it amusing.
One has to know both Hebrew and English, in order to see the following joke:
David Levi visited the White House.
His wife told him: "Go and ask Bill Clinton why the house isn't white".
Levi went to Clinton and asked: "Bill, do you know that the White House is not white at all?"
Replied Clinton: "Yes, I do".
Levi came back to his wife and said: "It's OK, he said that yesaydu".
Explanation:
* "yesaydu" (pronounced as "Yes I do", obviously) is the Hebrew for: "It will be whitewashed".
* David Levi is the former Israeli foreign minister, whose English is thought to be extremely bad.
And now the Hebrew version (just for the hell of transliterating it):
david levi hitareach babait halavan.
amra lo ishto: "lech ushal et bil klinton lama habait lo lavan".
halach levi el klinton veshaal: "bil, ata yodea shehabait halavan bichlal lo lavan?"
heshiv klinton: "yes, ay du".
chazar levi el ishto veamar: "ze beseder, hu amar sheyesaydu".
Here's another blonde joke:
A blonde was fired from her job as a quality control checker at the M&M factory -- she kept throwing out the W's.
(If you haven't seen M&M's, it's probably not funny.)
What do you call a blonde with brown hair?
Artificial intelligence
Oh no! Here's we go with more blonde jokes...
Three blondes were driving down the highway trying to get Disneyland. They came across a sign that read, "Disneyland Left."
So they turned around and went home.
___________________
A blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he thought that this must be a mistake, so he knocked on the door to clarify.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman asked, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
"Pasteurized?" the milkman queried.
"No," she replied. "Just up to my tits."
...trying to get TO Disneyland
This is a riddle, not a joke, but it's a play on words, so it wouldn't make sense translated:
What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
(I'll let you ponder it for awhile before I answer.)
Have you ever heard the Cantonese Shirmp Joke?
Ha ha ha.
(Ha is shrimp in Cantonese)
Deborah : both make pauses but the cat can't stand still?
Don't know if you've seen this one before - not South African, but fits well in this forum...
Morny, Rune-sore-bees
Language proficiency is part of the international contracting scene. This exchange between an English-speaking traveler and a member of the hotel staff in a Far East hotel was recorded in the Far-East Economic Review.
Room Service: Morny. Rune-sore-bees.
Hotel Guest: Oh, sorry. I thought I dialed Room Service.
Room Service: Rye, rune-sore-bees. Morny. Djewish to odor sunteen?
Hotel Guest: Uh... yes. I'd like some bacon and eggs.
Room Service: Ow July den?
Hotel Guest: What?
Room Service: Aches. Ow July den? Pry, boy, pooch...?
Hotel Guest: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. Scrambled please.
Room Service: Ow July dee baycome? Crease?
Hotel Guest: Crisp will be fine.
Room Service: Hokay. An Santos?
Hotel Guest: What?
Room Service: Santos. July Santos?
Hotel Guest: Ugh. I don't know... I don't think so.
Room Service: No. Judo one toes?
Hotel Guest: Look, I feel really bad about this, but I don't know
what "judo one toes" means. I'm sorry.
Room Service: Toes! Toes! Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow cenglish mopping we bother?
Hotel Guest: English muffin! I've got it! You were saying toast! Fine. An English muffin will be fine.
Room Service: We bother?
Hotel Guest: No. Just put the bother on the side.
Room Service: Wad?
Hotel Guest: I'm sorry. I meant butter. Butter on the side.
Room Service: Copy?
Hotel Guest: I feel terrible about this but...
Room Service: Copy. Copy, tea, mill...
Hotel Guest: Coffee! Yes, coffee please. And that's all.
Room Service: One Minnie. Ass rune torino fee, strangle aches, crease baycome, tossy cenglish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy. Rye?
Hotel Guest: Whatever you say.
Room Service: Hokay. Tendjewberrymud.
Hotel Guest: You're welcome.
Please, anyone from the far east - This is NOT meant to be offensive
Although I speak Spanish I found Damian's joke quite funny.
Well, here it is my contribution (I Apologize if I am offending anyone):
A tough guy were at the local bar with his friends talking about their memorables UFC fights, and the humilliating ones...
So, He started to tell more or less this way...
Tough Guy:
I was drinking last night at the bar, just after having loose by points a fight against Tito Ortiz (UFC CHAMP) , so being angry because of this almost draw match, I was looking for an easy cake fight, anyone who I could "terminate"...
Friends:
ooohhh Great MAster!!! You are bad...
Tough Guy:
And there HE was... seated at the opposite extreme of the room...
The Mexican... you know... Short, with thin weak legs and arms... and a big beer-belly... with a face of... "I am looking for job".
Immediately I looked for the way of starting a fight, and I told him... Hey You..., yes... You... the never known son of Schwarzenegger, get out of here.
Damn... Fucking Mexican...He was good.
After Fighting for 2 min... I was defeated...
Damn... Fucking Mexican... He was good.
He was just playing with me, and at the end of the fight... He put a "Willy" in my mouth...
Desperate Friends with a disgust face :
Fucking bastard...$%$%&#"# And at least, Why you did not bite it!
Tough GUY... BECAUSE THE "WILLY" WAS MINE!!!!!!!
So... imagine how the the fight ended. Have you seen the hospital beds... like an "V".