***if you listen closely you can hear the sound of urine trickling off the seat and onto the floor***
You have to be joking! Still, it's "better" than vomit I reckon.
You have to be joking! Still, it's "better" than vomit I reckon.
Have a Nice Day, How are you? etc.
<<In Texas we hug all the time. >>
In NM, too! When I walk down the hall at work, I can expect at least three or four hugs by the time I've gotten from point A to point B. And not little one-arm half-assed hugs -- full body contact. It's how friends say hello. And acquaintances, too. General rule of thumb: when you first meet someone here, you shake their hand. By the time you take your leave of them, especially, if you have enjoyed their company, you hug them goodbye. I even hug my maid when she comes every two weeks -- and we can barely say two words to each other, as I don't speak much Spanish and she doesn't speak much English. I hug my favorite delivery guys when they drop things off at my office, and usually chitchat with them, too. You'd be amazed how much better service you get from them when you build that extra rapport. If I'm in the mood, and the other person seems receptive, I'll bullshit with the cashier or clerk taking care of me in a store. You have to gauge that one carefully, of course -- if they aren't that friendly or they are having a shitty day, I don't bother (or if I'm in a mood myself).
As for "Have a nice day" and other pleasantries, I always assume they are sincere as long as the tone of voice matches the sentiment, and when it does, I return it with a smile and a "Thank you very much --you, too." And I AM sincere about that. When I am on the phone with customer service people, I am all "please" and "thank you" and "yes ma'am" and "no sir" and "I appreciate all your help". After all, Dieter, they may need me to stay employed, but I also need them to provide me with the services they perform -- it's a very mutual relationship! As for tipping my waiters, I do so not so much because I know they depend on that income, but because that is the price I pay to have an EQUAL wait on me.
As far as "false" politeness goes, you have to remember the whole social purpose of politeness: to smooth the stressfulness of dealing with total strangers. If it seems exaggerated, that's because by nature it is supposed to be -- it is a social ritual where the entire transaction is accomplished with efficiency and a minimum of difficulty, as long as each party plays their particular role correctly. The reason Europeans find American behavior odd or uncomfortable is because their rituals are a little different, and both parties are screwing up each other's social cues and behavioral expectations. So Americans come off as overly ingratiating to Americans, while Europeans may come off as rude or cold to Americans.
In NM, too! When I walk down the hall at work, I can expect at least three or four hugs by the time I've gotten from point A to point B. And not little one-arm half-assed hugs -- full body contact. It's how friends say hello. And acquaintances, too. General rule of thumb: when you first meet someone here, you shake their hand. By the time you take your leave of them, especially, if you have enjoyed their company, you hug them goodbye. I even hug my maid when she comes every two weeks -- and we can barely say two words to each other, as I don't speak much Spanish and she doesn't speak much English. I hug my favorite delivery guys when they drop things off at my office, and usually chitchat with them, too. You'd be amazed how much better service you get from them when you build that extra rapport. If I'm in the mood, and the other person seems receptive, I'll bullshit with the cashier or clerk taking care of me in a store. You have to gauge that one carefully, of course -- if they aren't that friendly or they are having a shitty day, I don't bother (or if I'm in a mood myself).
As for "Have a nice day" and other pleasantries, I always assume they are sincere as long as the tone of voice matches the sentiment, and when it does, I return it with a smile and a "Thank you very much --you, too." And I AM sincere about that. When I am on the phone with customer service people, I am all "please" and "thank you" and "yes ma'am" and "no sir" and "I appreciate all your help". After all, Dieter, they may need me to stay employed, but I also need them to provide me with the services they perform -- it's a very mutual relationship! As for tipping my waiters, I do so not so much because I know they depend on that income, but because that is the price I pay to have an EQUAL wait on me.
As far as "false" politeness goes, you have to remember the whole social purpose of politeness: to smooth the stressfulness of dealing with total strangers. If it seems exaggerated, that's because by nature it is supposed to be -- it is a social ritual where the entire transaction is accomplished with efficiency and a minimum of difficulty, as long as each party plays their particular role correctly. The reason Europeans find American behavior odd or uncomfortable is because their rituals are a little different, and both parties are screwing up each other's social cues and behavioral expectations. So Americans come off as overly ingratiating to Americans, while Europeans may come off as rude or cold to Americans.
"As far as "false" politeness goes, you have to remember the whole social purpose of politeness: to smooth the stressfulness of dealing with total strangers"
The assumption that the politeness is "false" is what bothers me the most; how could a person assume that it's false if he cannot read minds? Americans are a happy, optimistic people in general, as opposed to, for example, the Swedes who have a dour, gloomy zeitgeist.
A person would perceive that it was false only if they were cold and distant themselves...
The assumption that the politeness is "false" is what bothers me the most; how could a person assume that it's false if he cannot read minds? Americans are a happy, optimistic people in general, as opposed to, for example, the Swedes who have a dour, gloomy zeitgeist.
A person would perceive that it was false only if they were cold and distant themselves...
The fact of the facts is that nobody seems to care about others . So politeness is just politeness it's not a real care for others. I saw a documentary movie in Good morning America. An old man crossed the street. Then a car pushed him down. The car didn't stop , the second, third car didn't stop people on the street didn't come to help. It passed by may be 5 minutes. Someone called 911. Is it an exception. How do you react in that situation? What is hidden behind 'How are you doing', by the time of absent of real love to people. Real real love is not that love to great peole on the street. It's all about care for others. It's not only all about confessing of Jesus , it's all about to know names of your neigbour. It's not to send your parents to nurse hospital it's to share your love to them. It's not a society of individualists where high individualism is a matter of evistence it's to be real open minded. It's the hand in the right moment. It's not to go to phicologists to confess your emocional problems. It's to go to talk to friends. The real human face of politeness is a false . It's just covered our fears to be alone. So alone in the world of individualism.
<<it's all about to know names of your neigbour.>>
Yeah right, I don't even know my own mother's name.
Yeah right, I don't even know my own mother's name.
***the Swedes who have a dour, gloomy zeitgeist***
Not only is that due to cultural circumstances but also their geographical location and climate - the same applies to the other Scandinavian countries with the exception of Denmark, which is the most southernmost of them. Alchohol consumption is high in all of them, and we all know that too much booze induces moods of depression and low mental spirits ultimately.
I mean - who can really feel happy and joyful during a Scandinavian winter when it doesn't get light until about ten in the morning and it's dark again soon after three in the afternoon, and in the more northerly parts it doesn't get light at all! So they seek solace in bottled spirits and typical Scandinavian mood of melancholy ensues and what passes for Scandinavian joyfulness is replaced with a black dog thing.....and they begin writing mournful gloomy epics.
Not only is that due to cultural circumstances but also their geographical location and climate - the same applies to the other Scandinavian countries with the exception of Denmark, which is the most southernmost of them. Alchohol consumption is high in all of them, and we all know that too much booze induces moods of depression and low mental spirits ultimately.
I mean - who can really feel happy and joyful during a Scandinavian winter when it doesn't get light until about ten in the morning and it's dark again soon after three in the afternoon, and in the more northerly parts it doesn't get light at all! So they seek solace in bottled spirits and typical Scandinavian mood of melancholy ensues and what passes for Scandinavian joyfulness is replaced with a black dog thing.....and they begin writing mournful gloomy epics.
Um, and that is why those countries consistently score at the top in those happiness surveys?
2 examples:
1: (over the speaker at a supermarket) - Could Mrs Smith please report to reception, thank you. - This thank you is fake, but they have to say it - as a kind of 'over' to the phrase!
2: If you could just read through this - Why use the conditional? This is a conditional clause WITHOUT a main clause - it s incorrect, and drives me mad when people use it. If people use it to me, I say 'Yes, if I do that, then what?'
1: (over the speaker at a supermarket) - Could Mrs Smith please report to reception, thank you. - This thank you is fake, but they have to say it - as a kind of 'over' to the phrase!
2: If you could just read through this - Why use the conditional? This is a conditional clause WITHOUT a main clause - it s incorrect, and drives me mad when people use it. If people use it to me, I say 'Yes, if I do that, then what?'
LAURA BRAUN: I see your point, but you're confusing what people SAY with what people DO; there's a difference.
>><<In Texas we hug all the time. >>
In NM, too! When I walk down the hall at work, I can expect at least three or four hugs by the time I've gotten from point A to point B. And not little one-arm half-assed hugs -- full body contact. It's how friends say hello. And acquaintances, too. General rule of thumb: when you first meet someone here, you shake their hand. By the time you take your leave of them, especially, if you have enjoyed their company, you hug them goodbye. I even hug my maid when she comes every two weeks -- and we can barely say two words to each other, as I don't speak much Spanish and she doesn't speak much English. I hug my favorite delivery guys when they drop things off at my office, and usually chitchat with them, too. You'd be amazed how much better service you get from them when you build that extra rapport. If I'm in the mood, and the other person seems receptive, I'll bullshit with the cashier or clerk taking care of me in a store. You have to gauge that one carefully, of course -- if they aren't that friendly or they are having a shitty day, I don't bother (or if I'm in a mood myself).<<
That's the thing - at least here, these sorts of things would normally be treated as being far too close here, where such hugging is primarily limited to girls and younger women of similar age who already know each other personally (and whose relationship with each other is not business-related). Normally we prefer to be not nearly that familiar with people in contexts where one person is a customer and one person is some kind of employee of a company unless the individuals involved already know each other personally outside of such a context.
>>As for "Have a nice day" and other pleasantries, I always assume they are sincere as long as the tone of voice matches the sentiment, and when it does, I return it with a smile and a "Thank you very much --you, too." And I AM sincere about that. When I am on the phone with customer service people, I am all "please" and "thank you" and "yes ma'am" and "no sir" and "I appreciate all your help". After all, Dieter, they may need me to stay employed, but I also need them to provide me with the services they perform -- it's a very mutual relationship! As for tipping my waiters, I do so not so much because I know they depend on that income, but because that is the price I pay to have an EQUAL wait on me.<<
At least here, that depends. If the service is good, such is normally rather sincere. If it is not, though, such is still present to a good degree because it is an expected element of protocol, as one is expected to be polite in public when interacting with strangers regardless of what one thinks of them personally - or at least to significantly limit one's open criticism of them in person. Similarly, even if the service is not the best, one is still expected to tip them somewhat unless the service is truly utterly horrible, with outright denial of tips rather than merely reducing one's tip somewhat being considered extremely strong condemnation of the service involved.
>>As far as "false" politeness goes, you have to remember the whole social purpose of politeness: to smooth the stressfulness of dealing with total strangers. If it seems exaggerated, that's because by nature it is supposed to be -- it is a social ritual where the entire transaction is accomplished with efficiency and a minimum of difficulty, as long as each party plays their particular role correctly. The reason Europeans find American behavior odd or uncomfortable is because their rituals are a little different, and both parties are screwing up each other's social cues and behavioral expectations. So Americans come off as overly ingratiating to Americans, while Europeans may come off as rude or cold to Americans.<<
I have to strongly agree with such myself. Things here may be even more strongly tied up in social protocol and like than where you are, but in the end the purpose of it all is to allow people to interact smoothly with each other in public, and particularly with those they do not know personally. If anything, here, the underlying difference is in social expectations, such as those pertaining to how much interaction is expected between those who do not know each other personally.
In NM, too! When I walk down the hall at work, I can expect at least three or four hugs by the time I've gotten from point A to point B. And not little one-arm half-assed hugs -- full body contact. It's how friends say hello. And acquaintances, too. General rule of thumb: when you first meet someone here, you shake their hand. By the time you take your leave of them, especially, if you have enjoyed their company, you hug them goodbye. I even hug my maid when she comes every two weeks -- and we can barely say two words to each other, as I don't speak much Spanish and she doesn't speak much English. I hug my favorite delivery guys when they drop things off at my office, and usually chitchat with them, too. You'd be amazed how much better service you get from them when you build that extra rapport. If I'm in the mood, and the other person seems receptive, I'll bullshit with the cashier or clerk taking care of me in a store. You have to gauge that one carefully, of course -- if they aren't that friendly or they are having a shitty day, I don't bother (or if I'm in a mood myself).<<
That's the thing - at least here, these sorts of things would normally be treated as being far too close here, where such hugging is primarily limited to girls and younger women of similar age who already know each other personally (and whose relationship with each other is not business-related). Normally we prefer to be not nearly that familiar with people in contexts where one person is a customer and one person is some kind of employee of a company unless the individuals involved already know each other personally outside of such a context.
>>As for "Have a nice day" and other pleasantries, I always assume they are sincere as long as the tone of voice matches the sentiment, and when it does, I return it with a smile and a "Thank you very much --you, too." And I AM sincere about that. When I am on the phone with customer service people, I am all "please" and "thank you" and "yes ma'am" and "no sir" and "I appreciate all your help". After all, Dieter, they may need me to stay employed, but I also need them to provide me with the services they perform -- it's a very mutual relationship! As for tipping my waiters, I do so not so much because I know they depend on that income, but because that is the price I pay to have an EQUAL wait on me.<<
At least here, that depends. If the service is good, such is normally rather sincere. If it is not, though, such is still present to a good degree because it is an expected element of protocol, as one is expected to be polite in public when interacting with strangers regardless of what one thinks of them personally - or at least to significantly limit one's open criticism of them in person. Similarly, even if the service is not the best, one is still expected to tip them somewhat unless the service is truly utterly horrible, with outright denial of tips rather than merely reducing one's tip somewhat being considered extremely strong condemnation of the service involved.
>>As far as "false" politeness goes, you have to remember the whole social purpose of politeness: to smooth the stressfulness of dealing with total strangers. If it seems exaggerated, that's because by nature it is supposed to be -- it is a social ritual where the entire transaction is accomplished with efficiency and a minimum of difficulty, as long as each party plays their particular role correctly. The reason Europeans find American behavior odd or uncomfortable is because their rituals are a little different, and both parties are screwing up each other's social cues and behavioral expectations. So Americans come off as overly ingratiating to Americans, while Europeans may come off as rude or cold to Americans.<<
I have to strongly agree with such myself. Things here may be even more strongly tied up in social protocol and like than where you are, but in the end the purpose of it all is to allow people to interact smoothly with each other in public, and particularly with those they do not know personally. If anything, here, the underlying difference is in social expectations, such as those pertaining to how much interaction is expected between those who do not know each other personally.
Holy shit! That's scary about the hugging! In my country physical contact is punishable by rage on the part of the other person.
***In my country physical contact is punishable by rage on the part of the other person***
How sad is that! ;-(
***I even hug my maid when she comes every two weeks -- and we can barely say two words to each other, as I don't speak much Spanish and she doesn't speak much English***
Wow! Upstairs, Downstairs is alive and kicking in America! Why not employ a posh sounding English butler instead, your very own faithful, dependable Hudson? No Language problems there, even though Hudson was Scottish.....you'd have to find an English butler instead, one trained in impeccable RP, the easiest British accent for Americans to understand, apparently. What a status symbol that would be for you, and you could show him off with pride to all your friends.
He may shy away from the hugging bits though - after all, English butlers do have their dignity to maintain.......disdainful but always on call and never failing in duty and fidelity and integrity - and no doubt bloody expensive as well.......you'd also have to cover him for health insurance - don't forget that one!
How sad is that! ;-(
***I even hug my maid when she comes every two weeks -- and we can barely say two words to each other, as I don't speak much Spanish and she doesn't speak much English***
Wow! Upstairs, Downstairs is alive and kicking in America! Why not employ a posh sounding English butler instead, your very own faithful, dependable Hudson? No Language problems there, even though Hudson was Scottish.....you'd have to find an English butler instead, one trained in impeccable RP, the easiest British accent for Americans to understand, apparently. What a status symbol that would be for you, and you could show him off with pride to all your friends.
He may shy away from the hugging bits though - after all, English butlers do have their dignity to maintain.......disdainful but always on call and never failing in duty and fidelity and integrity - and no doubt bloody expensive as well.......you'd also have to cover him for health insurance - don't forget that one!