Sunday, December 28, 2003, 14:34 GMT
I'm referring to a deplorable trend in American slang whereby the verb "to say" becomes supplanted by the verb "to be like" - unfortunately, this patois lingo is frequently accompanied with the equally inane "to be all". In the worst scenario, both monstrosities are fused into the egregious "to be all like".
Witness the asininity of a conversation peppered with such phrases:
"I'm like, 'Woot woot!', and you were all like, 'Can I get a PWNZ YOU?'"
"And then Mr. Cumming's like, 'In the year 1337, four-fingered archers flipped the birds.' Connie was all, 'EW! MUTANTS!'"
As you can see, the verb "to be like" has no semblance whatsoever of its intended meaning. In effect, the speaker has failed to carry out his purpose, i.e. quoting someone, be it himself or another. He has instead compared himself (or others, should he use the second or third person) to the words he utters.
He invokes simile when he uses "to be like" (I was like, "That's soooo stupid.", in which he denigrates his mental abilities), and metaphor when he employs "to be all" (he's all, "I need a hug!", in which he characterises someone whose sole purpose is to be embraced).
These verbal constructs are devoid of sense, logic, and purpose; they would be completely incomprehensible to a non-English speaker, who would best understand foreign words literally, not figuratively. As such, it is vital, for the sake of those who wish to learn the true English language, that this linguistic abomination be exterminated with extreme prejudice.
I thus propose as a solution the establishment of an Academy of the English Language. Its sole goal would be to root out any and all idioms such as that exemplified in this post. The motive for this is quite simple: idioms and idiocy have a connection that goes beyond pronunciation.
In conclusion, I wish to clarify the relevance of the topic title. Britons, Irish(wo)men, Aussies, Kiwis, Canucks, and all other non-Americans, I ask, "Has the "verb" "to be like" invaded your town, city, region, and/or country?"
Witness the asininity of a conversation peppered with such phrases:
"I'm like, 'Woot woot!', and you were all like, 'Can I get a PWNZ YOU?'"
"And then Mr. Cumming's like, 'In the year 1337, four-fingered archers flipped the birds.' Connie was all, 'EW! MUTANTS!'"
As you can see, the verb "to be like" has no semblance whatsoever of its intended meaning. In effect, the speaker has failed to carry out his purpose, i.e. quoting someone, be it himself or another. He has instead compared himself (or others, should he use the second or third person) to the words he utters.
He invokes simile when he uses "to be like" (I was like, "That's soooo stupid.", in which he denigrates his mental abilities), and metaphor when he employs "to be all" (he's all, "I need a hug!", in which he characterises someone whose sole purpose is to be embraced).
These verbal constructs are devoid of sense, logic, and purpose; they would be completely incomprehensible to a non-English speaker, who would best understand foreign words literally, not figuratively. As such, it is vital, for the sake of those who wish to learn the true English language, that this linguistic abomination be exterminated with extreme prejudice.
I thus propose as a solution the establishment of an Academy of the English Language. Its sole goal would be to root out any and all idioms such as that exemplified in this post. The motive for this is quite simple: idioms and idiocy have a connection that goes beyond pronunciation.
In conclusion, I wish to clarify the relevance of the topic title. Britons, Irish(wo)men, Aussies, Kiwis, Canucks, and all other non-Americans, I ask, "Has the "verb" "to be like" invaded your town, city, region, and/or country?"