To flirt in different languages

Guest   Mon Sep 28, 2009 1:10 am GMT
Then your parts will suffer badly.
Pierre   Mon Sep 28, 2009 1:30 am GMT
<<Then your parts will suffer badly. >>

Non, je serai très doux, et je prendrai des pauses entre. N'importe quoi pour satisfaire ma dame...
;)   Mon Sep 28, 2009 2:17 am GMT
"Then your parts will suffer badly. "

Not if "blushed" is a guy.
:-o   Mon Sep 28, 2009 2:42 am GMT
<<Not if "blushed" is a guy. >>

Pierre   Mon Sep 28, 2009 2:46 am GMT
<<Ew! >>

Vraiment. Je suis un Player, mais je playe pas CETTE voie!
Xie   Mon Sep 28, 2009 2:07 pm GMT
>>I'm not saying that all women think in the same way, but most don't like conversation that implies they are dumb or a prostitute. <<

Theoretically, I now find it much easier to talk to girls in normal situations - now at the university, where everybody has little time even for a chat.

But I think my culture is causing me problems. Here, there's no such thing as going to a party in order to pick up anyone (guys included, for girls for our discussion). People actually seldom drink, if at all. They don't dance, nothing, nothing else.

It's very fortunate that, as I can expect, I'd have to re-learn how to do well in a party again in a few years' time.

I find it so tiring to meet girls in such normal situations... rather than to meet girls in parties (it actually worked somehow even for me. I admit that I'm not very good at doing things like this). They're simply too dull, and very often only focus on female friends instead of talking more to guys.

I have to get off the topic again. It's a huge pity that, among the Chinese, it's often more important for girls to pick (not pick up! they meet in daily situations) guys, esp. when they have BUSINESS. This is not the same as going to parties, where people choose partners usually (almost purely) based on physique and bodily motions (how well you dance).

But given that over half of the Chinese guys of my age are very often, more often than not, single.... (early 20s) it's so natural for us to be forced to focus on business and to attract women with money. But, seriously, I find this a very bad and reductionist idea. I once asked an American guy about this issue, and he actually preferred parties to asking out.

I know, here isn't the right place to write it, but I only intend to evoke some thoughts. If you don't like, you can write about languages again.
Xie   Mon Sep 28, 2009 2:14 pm GMT
>>It's very fortunate that<<

It's very UN-fortunate that [...]

I can only say that, owing to cultural differences, Chinese Chinese also tend to be rather conservative about "parties". For European-descent people, parties usually mean a place where everybody drinks and dances and hears very loud music.

We people just study all the day... are opposed to setting up a university pub, and attend lectures every day until we go home (and have the dinner cooked by our moms). Very little independent life. Strict control over romance, sometimes it's actually the young people who control it. I find it natural in my society, but not exactly pleasing. People simply have so little time for socializing.

I admit that, even with my German experiences, I returned back to the state of being a guy that doesn't dare to ask anyone out. The thing is, no one is going to give me a positive answer, and they and I myself are just too busy with meaningless academic stuff. If I don't even have the business, even if I spent money in pubs (we do have pubs), Chinese girls would still judge my wealth and business AND sense of humor (this is universal), at least tacitly. Yeah, they could make good housewives and be supportive, but they just aren't as liberal, easy-going and approachable as European girls were to me. I didn't succeed earlier either, but I could say that it'd be very easy to befriend them if I were European, or at least if I knew their culture well enough. Ultimately, I DON'T. But I'd be so much more pleased to follow the rules of the European game. At least they don't talk that much about dating intertwined with marriage and children and family and property and money and their parents and my parents and the list goes on...
Guest   Mon Sep 28, 2009 8:09 pm GMT
Xie, try with prostitutes.
a   Mon Sep 28, 2009 8:55 pm GMT
I bet that if you didn't spend this much time on the forums writing awfully long posts and got a life, you would have gotten laid on a regular basis.
K. T.   Tue Sep 29, 2009 1:39 am GMT
"Xie, try with prostitutes."

That's not going to help him. It's like that writer John Gray (Mars/Venus) guy. He thinks he knows women from talking to prostitutes. I suppose if a guy wants to marry a prostitute...

If you want to meet decent girls, look good, smell good and be interested in them. Don't be threatening, don't talk down to them.
Don't talk too much. Get some balance in your conversation and have open-ended questions.

"What do you think of__________?"

Agree with her once in awhile if you have any sense.
guest   Tue Sep 29, 2009 1:55 am GMT
K. T., are you suggesting that Xie acts like this:

"Not to say that "I don't listen", I do, and I keep the conversation going by asking follow up questions, telling little anecdotes to establish commonality etc. But what I don't do is, I don't size her up. I don't care that she likes A and hates B and doesn't know C. That's not my job. That's why girls have gay guys they go shoe shopping with. I'm there to lay the pipe."

Xie   Tue Sep 29, 2009 12:20 pm GMT
>>If you want to meet decent girls, look good, smell good and be interested in them. Don't be threatening, don't talk down to them.
Don't talk too much. Get some balance in your conversation and have open-ended questions.<<

I can manage things somewhat better now, thanks to more socializing in Germany. As I could see from what the others did, who are foreigners, I now regard Germany, France, the US, etc, to be better places for socializing. No one will understand what I mean here, but many Hong Kong people will understand me that it isn't even easy at all to socialize more in such a busy society.

Since somebody has asked to me write more succinctly... I'd like to say, to generalize, I found many European girls to be in fact much more approachable than some Chinese girls. For reasons below, I find it a more meaningful challenge to try the former, and I think the "western" way of dating/asking out is the way to go. The European girls value socializing far more and, above all, cleverness (in terms of humor, hanging out, all kinds of activities), etc. For many reasons, Chinese girls do very little exercise, don't go out often, most of them hate getting tanned, etc... they in fact, like their male counterparts, know (at least) not enough about the socializing world. That's why, I guess, when, say, guys of western background approach them, they could fall easy in love with them, simply because they find a lot of sense of humor, cleverness, etc, in these guys who are so active, sporty, and so on. Again, many Chinese guys in general are too shy, too humble, too thin, do little exercise...etc.

The way above doesn't need to be western either. There have been a lot of East Asian male celebrities, who are in the mascular/cool/gentle department, that are so much sought after in our pop cultures. In short, as long as they stay cool, every girl/woman (depending on which market) loves them.

At the moment, though, I gather that I have more success with girls who are purely talkative/not very beautiful, to be polite. But as a note, I now enjoy to stay single since I can have so much freedom, and I also enjoy to be in social circles with very few guys. I personally study arts stuff and the sex ratio is like 2:8. (thank god, I didn't enter the science field) History simply proves that it had been wise of me to struggle all the way into the university..
Xie   Tue Sep 29, 2009 12:26 pm GMT

that said, don't think that my culture is the reverse of yours. People socialize and date in similar ways, though not always. When I talked to foreign guys, although they had been doing something different from me all their life, we're simply the same kind of people with the same nature. European, American, African, Asian...guys are all the same guys, regardless of anything.

And I find it a good idea to stay relaxed, even with a busy job, and focus on business. Foreign guys don't speak of business as often as I do, but... at my age, it's far more important (than ever) to focus on business. For example, I learn languages and I could have monetary gains. I study hard and I could get promoted to do post-grad. Ironically, thanks to my culture, I could become attractive exactly for my own business. Chinese girls won't demand that much sense of humor and attractive physique from me.
bouba   Thu Oct 01, 2009 12:11 pm GMT
mmmmmmmmmmmmm, ça sent la chatte ici, ça me donne envie de limer.
bouba   Fri Oct 02, 2009 10:34 am GMT
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, j'ai la tebi en feu!!!!!! vite de la ghagate à fourrer, miam miam!!