Funny Stories about Using Incorrect or Inappropriate Words
Post your funny stories about using the wrong word for something and embarrasing yourself - especially if you accidentaly said something offensive :p
Here's a couple examples.
When going to a ski lodge in Quebec, which was named "Auberge Suisse Montevilla" (Swiss Montevilla Inn) I asked for to directions to "Aubergine Suisse Montevilla" or "Swiss Montevilla Eggplant" (FYI, English speakers never use "aubergine" for the vegetable here, but I've since herad they do in UK, Austrailia)
I had a friend travel to Australia and the locals there got quite a kick out of a certain sweater. Here in Canada, there is a clothing company called "Roots" and the classic roots emblem is the Canadian Beaver. Well apparently, over in Australia, to "root" means to have sex and the word "Roots" accompanied by a "beaver" (slang for a certain part of the female anatomy) was enough to to make most Aussies burst out laughing. After seeing the sweater, they all wanted to order them.
We say eggplant for aubergine here in Australia.
And we have over the years become aware of "rooting", although we still have the ocassional chuckle. We call it "barracking" here.
Are you sure you didn't pull these off a website. I'm sure I have read the "roots" story before on a website?!
My mistake then, I thought aubergine was used there. Until recently, I'd never heard aubergine used except in French..
No, it was from a friend, but maybe she got it off a website. I think the beaver logo was what made it so funny.
I really did call the Inn an aubergine though.
Well, it is true that there is a chain of stores called Roots (it's like a chain of American Eagle, but Canadian), and beavers are pretty popular there, so it is pretty conceivable...no pun intended...lol...
My sister asked if she could borrow a rubber in class in high school. They all cracked up. Rubber is an eraser in UK, but a condom in the USA.
Once in high school, the teacher was reading some historical passage that said something like "wine acted as a lubricant to their mouths". The whole class just erupted when she said "lubricant". ;-)
Folks, I've run into this Web site wandering across the Internet and found it pretty nice and useful. Have been learning English all my life since I was 5 or 6.
The funny story is as follows. In 60ies, when Russia-Europe contacts were very rare, my father went to a scientific meeting in London. At a closing banquet, he exercised his poor English by saying to a lady colleague from England:"You are so sexful!" (instead of "successful" of course) and was quite shocked to see her blush down to the bottom of her decollete.
I will be happy to take part in this or some other Forum here from time to time.
PS. I'm a Muscovite, chemist by profession. Is there anybody else from Russia here?
PPS. Any criticism of my English is welcome and greatly appreciated!
http://www.askoxford.com/wordgames/wordchallenge/malapropisms/
My ancient great aunt asked me is I was going to get a girl-friend or did I want to be a spinster.
On a radio phone-in I heard this woman refer to the bi-sexual road signs in Wales.
VERA: There is nothing to criticise in your English on the evidence presented so far! If that lady in London was very attractive then maybe he meant exactly what he said....I've heard that Russians are not backward in coming forward. :-)
A co-worker (originally from Mexico) was trying to reach me on my cell, which I had turned off because I was at our new mayor's inaugural mass. When I got back to the office, he chewed me out for not answering my phone. When I explained that I had to turn it off at the cathedral, he asked loudly, "Well, why didn't you turn on your vibrator?"
Sometimes, if you've got nothing better to do, it's fun to turn on the subtitle captions on TV ceefax or teletext, especially if it's a live discussion. In this case the captions have to be more or less simultaneous and I guess they must be operated phonetically, ie: operated by sound, so sometimes the words that appear are really hilarious as the whole thing is very fast moving to keep up with the dialogue.
The last time I did it the live discussion was about personal appearance and beauty care etc (ok ok it was a woman's program but I'm not proud, but so what anyway!). What this woman said was" "Daily life takes all the resilience out of your hair". What the caption came up with was: "Daily life takes all the Brazilians out of your hair".
I hope no Brazilians were watching it! Statistically, I would say they most probably were, somewhere.
lol, I just saw a shirt for sale that is meant to be given to someone as a practical joke.
It has a picture of a dragon with some Chinese characters underneath it. Looks hip and trendy. The joke is that the characters translate into "I have a small penis"
In America, a "bum" is what us in Britain call a "tramp" or a homeless person. To a Brit, a "bum" is what an American call a "butt" or an "ass", but even "ass" is funny to a Brit because in Britain an "ass" is a donkey-like animal.
So lots of amusing things can happen when a Brit and an American are together and they both meet a homeless person.
If an American says "Look at that starving bum. I'm gonna give him my sausage" then the American will get strange looks from the Brit.
However, if the Brit says "WOW! Look at that lovely ass! I'm gonna ride it" then the Brit will notice the American slowly edging away from him.
Bum means you buttocks here too. It's mostly used in that form around little kids, where 'ass' would be vulgar.
A tramp is a whore over here, but it isn't used often.
Don't Brits use 'arse' for your butt too?