Does this sentence make sense??

Native Korean   Sat Jun 02, 2007 12:08 pm GMT
I'm writing a play that is going to be performed in English.
If you are a native English speaker, please check these two sentences whether they make sense.
If the sentences seem awkward, please correc them so that they make more sense.

#1. "Seduce me as you did before."

#2. "Your kiss will taste sweeter if you stop smoking."

I want those sentences to be more poetic and eloquent.
Help me please!!!
Guest   Sat Jun 02, 2007 12:13 pm GMT
I'm ready for you to seduce me once again.

Your lips will taste much sweeter without smoke getting into mine.
Skippy   Sat Jun 02, 2007 4:18 pm GMT
I like the originals... Except maybe "kisses"
Thomas   Sat Jun 02, 2007 8:02 pm GMT
I think they are fine.
furrykef   Sun Jun 03, 2007 12:31 am GMT
The first one sounds fine to me, but "if you stop smoking" somehow doesn't sound very poetic to me. I like Guest's suggestion for that one.
guest   Sun Jun 03, 2007 4:04 am GMT
#1 "Seduce me again, same as last time." (or "... just like last time")
Nobody   Sun Jun 03, 2007 9:00 am GMT
# 1 Hit me baby one more time (implies the person has kissed you before)

#2 I wanna taste your lips, not tobacco
furrykef   Sun Jun 03, 2007 4:21 pm GMT
<< Hit me baby one more time >>

That was bad enough when Britney Spears was singing it. ;)