The state of British English

French fries or French cookies?

what do you like better?

Geoff,

I thought in Australia chips were called "hot chips" and crisps were called "chips".

I remember few years ago when I was in Melbourne, I wasn't aware of the distinction and asked for chips at a stand at a festival, "hot chips?" the woman enquired, "I don't want them bloody cold" I replied.

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. There are five people in my mate Angus' family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mate's Mum or his Dad. Maybe it's his older brother Paul. Or it may be his younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Paul.

But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a year's supply of Marmite......one jar.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought: 'He's trying to pull a fast one'.

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.

I was reading a book... 'The History of Glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said: 'I'm not stopping you.'

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said: 'It depends where you're calling from.'

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said "How flexible are you?". I said: "I can't make Tuesdays".

So I said to this train station booking clerk: "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Will Young".

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me: "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

So I went down the local supermarket. I said: "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it". The store manager said: "Those are pickled onions".

So this bloke says to me: "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought: "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said: 'Parking Fine.' I thought that was really nice of them.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes. He's a catholic converter.

I went to the video rental shop, and I said, "I want to watch some videos"
"Do you want to watch Batman Forever?"
"No, just for a couple of hours...."

I was in my kitchen chopping carrots when the Grim Reaper appeared .... I thought to myself, I'm dicing with death here"

I went to the doctor's and he said: 'You've got hypochondria'. I said: 'Oh no! Not that as well!"

I also said: 'Ive been hit on the head with a pair of bongos.' He said 'You've got slight percussion.'

I was in an Indian restaurant the other day. The waiter said: 'Curry ok?' I said: 'Alright - but just one song.'

I was in a Chinese restaurant the next night and I said: 'Waiter-this chicken is rubbery.' He said : 'Oh! Thank you berry much!'

A bloke called me a bowl of alpen. I said: 'I suppose you find that amuesli!'

I was in a restaurant and I saw a koala bear flying by in a plane. I said: 'Waiter - there's a flying marsupial......' (say it out loud)

Of all the crazy things you hear, trust Millets - you know they make tents. (you've got to be a Brit to get this one!)

My mate invented tippex. Correct me if im wrong.

I went to the doctor's and he said: 'You've got airport syndrome.' I said: 'Is it terminal?'

I went into the baker's and asked for a tart. He said: 'Bakewell?' I said: 'No - I messed it up so I came in here to get one.'

I got in and found my Mum's sister spinning round and round in my computer chair. I thought: 'Oh! - my giddy aunt!'

I was in the barber's when a lady said: 'How does my hair look?' I said: 'You want more volume.' So she yelled: 'HOW DOES MY HAIR LOOK?'

I went into the butcher's and he told me that if I could reach the bits of meat on the ceiling he'd give me 50 quid. I said : 'No! - the steaks are too high.'

There's nothing wrong with sex on television - as long as you don't fall off.

I got really stoned the other day. I drank a mixer full of wet cement.

My credit card got nicked the other day. I would report it but the thief is spending less than my wife.

Thank you and goodnight! :-)

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Rick, I use chips for french fries and chips for crisps. One word for
a number of items. Another example - The English word "jack" has a number of meanings.

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Hmm, Damian -- your Scotch* pancakes look a lot like our local variety -- have we been ripping you off?

Adam -- we have jam, too. And preserves. And conserve. And apple butter. And marmalade. And any other way you can think of to squash fruit and spread it on bread. What you call "jelly" we call "gelatin" -- Jell-O is just a brand name. I would think in all your frenzied skimming of articles to cut & paste here, these little tidbits of knowledge would have entered your consciousness.

I've (vaguely) heard of Marmite.... Something like vegemite? If it is, my dad once dated a woman who had been married to an Australian, and she had some choice words to say about that substance -- none of them kind.

Forget the French fries (or chips, if you prefer) -- have you ever had sweet-potato fries? Sweet potato fries dipped in ranch dressing? They're on that next cloud over in culinary heaven....

"What you call "jelly" we call "gelatin" -- Jell-O is just a brand name"

No. What we call jelly, you call Jell-O. No matter what brand it is. Just like we call it Coca Cola even if the Panda drinks company made it.

We have "gelatin", too. Gelatin, though, is the savoury jelly that you find on some meats.

URIEL:

I guess a pancake is a pancake is a pancake .... with the same basic ingredients a pancake is more or less the same wherever but probably varies in flavour if you add extra stuff. Anyway, you can add any filling you like...sweet or savoury.....roll them up and then scoff them.

In the UK Shrove Tuesday - day before Lent begins - is Pancake Day traditionally. Maybe it's the same in America, I don't know for sure. They're nice sprinkled with unrefined sugar and lemon juice, with raspberry jam filling, then rolled up and scoffed.

Scotch pancakes are nice with a thin spread of marmite as I said. Marmite is something you either lurve or hate...no half measures. I lurve it. It has a strong savoury taste (so spread thinly) but is very nutritious....rich in B vits. See the link below.

The difference in meanings between BE and AE regarding things like jelly and crisps are well known I reckon. It's the same as with hood/bonnet, trunk/boot, gasoline/petrol, rubber/eraser (I've boobed on that one before...excuse the terminology). etc etc.
British people living abroad say that high on the list of things they miss a great deal living outside the UK is......marmite. Substitutes abroad (eg vegemite) just do not compare apparently.

Marmite:
http://www.accomodata.co.uk/marmite.htm

Damian, have you ever tasted nutritional yeast in other forms, such as the flaked variety, or tablets? How does Marmite's flavor compare with those? When I was a little kid, my mother used to give me yeast tablets as a snack. I thought they were very tasty.

Speaking of pasty edible substances, how does peanut butter go over in other countries? When I was in Russia, one of my Russian friends told me his family had tried it, but didn't like it at all. Then he showed me the can of peanut butter they'd bought -- it was very rancid. No wonder they didn't like it!